The Kitchen is Closed

But the Bar is Open!

I am an adult and can have food anytime I want. I am not hungry. I do not need or want dessert this evening. I will have some hot tea after I take a shower and I can enjoy my tea while knitting and watching a an episode or two of my current Netflix show, Murdoch Mysteries.

There are about 28 weeks before my birthday. Can I imagine being under 200 lbs for my birthday? This is what I have to decide each day. How fit and active do I want to be as I head into the future? In the meantime, however, I must live for today. Be happy and kind today. Listen to the call of God in my life today. Blessings upon all who struggle to feel worthy of love because of their body.

Life Line

Just finished week 2 day 1 of #C25K with @c25kfree! #everymomentcounts #run #running #health #fitness

I am starting to feel like a mini-runner. Emphasis on mini. :-) I thought for sure that the first day of the new week would kill me. I was nervous.

Now for the first week, I did Sa Mo We. And I did a ton of house cleaning and furniture moving and whatnot last week. I hit a manic stride, didn't get quite enough rest, and wore myself out. (Plum wore out.) The weekend was busy, so I decided to do Mo We Fri this week for C25K week 2. DH was home so I went by myself to the Y Monday after school time for the boys. I was so tired. I got to the Y, sat in the parking lot. I just could not bring myself to go in.

And you know what, it's okay. I wasn't quitting, I just took the time I needed. There is no deadline for healthy--except for the obvious one, and you cannot plan for DEAD. For healthy there is only a Life Line. There is only progress.

There I sat out in the car and made appointments, returned emails and messages. I got a few things checked off of my to-do list. And I returned home refreshed. I'll take it!

So, on the Wednesday, I had double booked a play date on Wednesday morning, and when I realized it, I called my friend and rescheduled. I Wanted to get to the gym today. I needed to. I went to my upbeat, joyous morning Zumba class and then scooted over to the treadmill.

It went great. I even added a point to my walking and running speeds. It was 3.0 & 4.2, with 5.0 on the last run.  Today I bumped it up to 3.1 and 4.3 with 5.0 on the last. Which nearly killed me. But I forced myself to smile the whole last 90 seconds of running while chanting endings to plural pronouns in Latin. I'm doing this. I'm FLYing, I'm running, I am being the change.

Hold on to your Life Line with all that you are, y'all. God meets us where we are.

Before is Now

One of the things recommended by WW at the beginning of your journey is to take some "Before" photos and measurements. I whipped out the camera phone this morning to do this, and I plan to take others along the way, hopefully giving me inspiration as the weeks and months progress. (See the Photos Tab at the top of the page for updates.)

2011-10-21 240 lbs. Holy @&#%!!

Seeing this picture was a real eye-opener for me. This is what you, the public - and my family and friends and aquaintances and strangers...- are accustomed to seeing.

Round Me.

In my head, I seem smaller.

Which is why it always feel so strange when I realize I can't scratch a part of my back that I want to or have trouble getting down to and up from the floor. What is going on? Why can't I do this?

This picture is the answer: I'm pretty fat.

Don't worry, I still love myself. I'm not evil. I don't deserve to be treated like a second class citizen. My size and shape are a personal problem. Nobody torchered me into over-eating or tied me to the couch to prevent me from exercising.

Personally, I can tell you: I am fat. This is not the example I want to set for my children and this is not the way I want to be for myself. I am making a change.

Today was C25K 1.3, and it honestly felt pretty good. I think I am mostly ready to move on, but I want to repeat Week 1 next week in order to give my bones and knees and feet a little more time to adapt. My shins and calf fronts are pretty sore!

Fatigue is setting in now. My youngest (11 months) is cutting five teeth and has been waking me in the middle of the night. I need to go to bed now just in case he wakes later. That and I am drop-dead tired. (Anyone else remember Drop Dead Fred? :-)

May my faith heal and grow while I rest!

Pete and Re-Pete

Sometimes when you are the mother of young children it takes everything you have to get just one thing accomplished. After starting the C25K on Sunday, while at my mother-in-law's, who was awesome enough to hang with my kids while I went outside for my first session, my next day should have been Tuesday. Back at home, just me and kids. So when Nico (3yr) woke up at 4 am with a fever all of my Tuesday plans shifted. No pre-k, no grocery shopping, no gym in the morning. I knew that on Wednesday I had to do whatever it took to get my session in or risk losing momentum, because I am just starting out and I am not sure that I have enough momentum yet to handle too many setbacks.

So the boyz didn't get up until NINE-FORTY! Then my mp3 player wouldn't load so that I could add the week-one podcast. But I finally got it on the phone. We made it to the Y. I did my next session. Today's mission accomplished.

It felt good.

Physically, it did not feel great. I am WAY overweight, and my body needs to be lighter before it won't feel like carrying around a ton of pointy bricks. But I did it. And in time not only do I plan to get lighter, but my bones and muscles will be stronger. But my lungs felt good, and my heart felt good, and the rest will come in time.

Motivationally, the podcast is the key. When I timed myself on Sunday, I was convinced that I could not do quite as much as was asked. I lengthened the recovery session from 1 1/2 to 2 minutes. Today, with Robert Ullrey's C25K Podcasts, I did it along with the script and nice running music. Plus ESPN to watch on the TV while I ran. Delight! The pre-recorded timings keep you trying, encouraging you to succeed.

Mentally, another perk became clear to me while I was jogging/walking (j/w). Lately I have several conflicting cravings. Craving to get more done around the house, more research and reading, more stitching, sewing & crafting, more time with adults making and keeping friendships, and more time to just think. Often I think I view the time at the gym as social time, but I leave feeling empty in this regard, because even though I am Zumba-ing with other people, it's not like you are really chatting it up with your fellow exercisers. I love Zumba, but the exercise time itself is still not truly social, at least not deeply. J/W time, however, is intensely personal. The music washes over you, and, whatever else you may be hearing or watching, your thoughts have a chance to bubble to the surface. I think this mindset might also be able to improve my Zumba experience.

I still don't know when I will be ready to move on to Week 2, but at least I did 1.1 for realz, and on Friday I will do 1.2. Run and Re-run, until I am ready to take on the next level.

Now I just have to decide what to do about my eating habits!