A Cuppa a Day

Tea.
Black Teas, Herbal Teas. Heck, even coffee.
A cuppa a Day keeps...
me from gnawing my own arm off.

In the great battle against nighttime gluttony, hot tea is proving to be one of the finest weapons. So I thought I should make a list of possible go-to activities for when the going gets tough.

Tea

Shower

Prayer

Journaling

Write a Story
Knitting 

Crochet
Meditation

Painting

Coloring

Drawing

Prayer

Latin Study

Karate

Writing

Play Instrument

Sing

Minecraft

Bed

Walking

Zumba

Read the news

Call a friend

Play with kids

Get together with friends

Cooking

Happy Naked Time

Cleaning

Pet Care

Write Letters

Craft

Time for PJs

I need a name.
It's not a diet.
Dr. Phil, Beck, Weight Watchers, American Diabetic Association, Food Pyramid.gov, My Fitness Pal, Spark People...It's a long list of dieting advice that I have tried, sometimes achieving intermittent success, and set aside.

All of these methods have one thing in common for me: I cannot trick myself into pretending that it is natural, good, desirable, or helpful to count and plan calories for any longer than a couple of weeks as a baseline. This causes me to think, THINK, constantly THINK THINK THINK about food all day, every minute and moment of the day.

Noise, Noise, Noise, Noise, Noise!!
(from How the Grinch Stole Christmas, animated version)

It turns me into the Grinch, hating food, avoiding it, disliking myself, resenting the process. Deep down I feel that food is a beautiful and inspiring gift of God, meant to be (respectfully) loved and enjoyed and shared, and I just cannot bring myself to treat it as the enemy for very long. I do freely admit that these are my own hang-ups, not necessarily caused by the advice givers of various diets and programs. And if those programs work, are working, or have worked for you, and you are able to be happy -- truly content and satisfied -- then awesome! But for me, these food focused programs do not stick.  In the past I was so focused on a need for steady progress that I was at the point where losing a pound was like being done. Oh I made progress! That's great! I have succeeded! And....I'm done.

Indeed the reason why I am following this higgledy-piggledy health plan approach is because I have found that, for me, the other things out there simply do not work.

 Do you know what works for me? Deciding to change my outlook and then focusing on one or two things at a time, shifting in an evolutionary spiral, until I have slowly transformed my habits, my mental, attitude, and my life focus. When I work on the joy, on what I think and how I feel, on how I want to think and feel, on what I can do and what I want to be able to do, the weight pretty much melts away.

I have had two times in my life where this happened. But wait, you might say, what happened. If it worked so well, why are you in the pickle you are in now?

Well, I discovered these two times in my life and named them as lifestyle reform and weight loss periods through careful reflection. At the time, they were just periods in my life where I was extremely unhappy, and I worked through it using some tried and true techniques of re-focusing, activities, meditation, and prayer.

I have finally come to a place in my heart that I am ready. I am ready to change. I am not on a diet, I am changing. I am not sure that it will be a "plan" that other people could follow. And, I am just at the beginning of my journey, with many miles left to go, and no clear must-meet goal to signal to others when it's over.

IT WILL NEVER BE OVER.

So perhaps I will name it the "Peace and Joys Forever" plan. PJs Forever! LOVE IT! Let's get our Jammies on -- Jam to the music while you get things done.

So let's Make our Peace and Share our Joys by being the best we can be, following the will of God in our lives.

Peace and Joys, y'all.

I Don't Know If I Can Do It

I don't. I don't know what I can do. I cannot begin a diet with a proclamation of where I will finish.

While working on my PhD, at some point in my research I was weary and despaired of ever finishing. I had to decide, do I stop here, or FINISH? There could be no middle ground.

But my problem now is not a task that I can do and be done with. I am trying to shift my mindset. Treating my weight like a goal to simply accomplish is not working for me.

But neither is giving up.

Being extremely obese is not working for me.

The goals of the diet books are not motivating enough, so I am finding out what will. I like many of the ideas of the Beck Diet Solution, but daily tracking and menu planning does, not fit into my lifestyle or skill set for any longer than a few weeks. It might be the best way, but I need to find another.

So for now I am going to focus on becoming a Karateka, earning my black belt in Karate. I need my body to be lighter for this, but I also need further mind-body-spirit development.

I combine this with my desire to better fulfill the will of God in my life.

I need to keep working on cleaning the house and my life. 

I will dig out my weightloss and depression meditation CDs from Belleruth Naperstek. 

So I do not know what my weight will be when I am satisfied, but I will not give up on my goal to be healthy, fit, and strong. I will not say I am fat anymore. I will say I am strong and active.

Challenge one: conquer nighttime gluttony.

I am strong and active. I am doing this!

Just this for today.

I'm tired, I'm worn, but my sink is shiny. And I am tired and going to bed. Tuesday always makes me feel a little overwhelmed, with co-op in the mornings, Latin lesson in the afternoon, and straight into and Karate in the evening.

O God, help me to rest....

Year of Mercy 1

The beginnings of our Crèche and Jesse Tree (doors are made from tree branches), our Advent Wreath.

Today is the first Sunday of Advent, the first day in a new church year. Then on December 8, we will begin the Year of Mercy, a Jubilee year, a year for forgiving debts and righting wrongs. My task is my self as a homemaker and the cleanliness and order of my house. I will be using Flylady to help me reform (form anew!). It did not get this way in a day, and will likely take the whole year to get things going. Tomorrow I will start the baby steps. Today, I cleaned up in my closet, putting away clean clothes. I will wash laundry tomorrow. May my house become a place of blessing for others.

Magistra, May I?

There is a new master in the house: meet Magistra, the in-charge part of my self who is tasked with caring for me whilst providing structure and discipline and training.

I am my children's mother. I know this seems obvious, but that statement requires constant commitment. I am the mother. If they are poorly-rested, over-fed, sluggards, much of the responsibility for their state of being falls squarely on my shoulders at their age. And by the habits and environment that DH and I create and maintain, some portion of their future states is my doing as well.

But for myself, the time of looking to the past and to my own upbringing is well and truly over. I've been in charge of myself for long enough that it's mine and mine alone to accept responsibility for the state of my health, mental, emotional, and physical.

Magistra, may I stay up later?

Minime, discipula! Fessa es! (No way, you are tired!!')

If You Know Better...

If you know better, then do better. 

I can do better.

My youngest child is about to turn five. And my goal of being trim and active before before my children are old enough for my weight to overly influence their own body image and their concept of me...is gone. I treat Me horribly. Today at lunch, Me wanted to eat a bunch of candy after her sandwhich. So I let her. 

But this evening I realized that I do strive to attend to my children's diet and exercise, yet I do not care for myself. Why not? 

Why am I punishing myself?