I Don't Know If I Can Do It

I don't. I don't know what I can do. I cannot begin a diet with a proclamation of where I will finish.

While working on my PhD, at some point in my research I was weary and despaired of ever finishing. I had to decide, do I stop here, or FINISH? There could be no middle ground.

But my problem now is not a task that I can do and be done with. I am trying to shift my mindset. Treating my weight like a goal to simply accomplish is not working for me.

But neither is giving up.

Being extremely obese is not working for me.

The goals of the diet books are not motivating enough, so I am finding out what will. I like many of the ideas of the Beck Diet Solution, but daily tracking and menu planning does, not fit into my lifestyle or skill set for any longer than a few weeks. It might be the best way, but I need to find another.

So for now I am going to focus on becoming a Karateka, earning my black belt in Karate. I need my body to be lighter for this, but I also need further mind-body-spirit development.

I combine this with my desire to better fulfill the will of God in my life.

I need to keep working on cleaning the house and my life. 

I will dig out my weightloss and depression meditation CDs from Belleruth Naperstek. 

So I do not know what my weight will be when I am satisfied, but I will not give up on my goal to be healthy, fit, and strong. I will not say I am fat anymore. I will say I am strong and active.

Challenge one: conquer nighttime gluttony.

I am strong and active. I am doing this!